| COFFEEHOUSE CULTURE -- Issue 1 | ||
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PAGE ONE; ARTICLE THREE; DOKKER D'ATH
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| AS IF YOU weren't doing enough to give yourself bloodshot eyes, here you are reading masses of text on screen. We've tried to make it easy on the eyes by going for backgrounds that are glare-free but even so . . . . Think of your eyes, man! It is possible to print out text, you know? Docker De'Ath, our health ex-pat (yes, he's out of Maidstone Remand Centre and out of the country) says: "Good God, man, reading text on a computer screen is worse for your eyesight than masturbation but probably not as much fun." To avoid damage to your vision, the good Docker's recommendation is: "Use common sense. Don't sit staring at you computer screen if your eyes feel sore. Download and print out the articles if you must read them." To completely freak you out, our conscientious quack has prepared a short movie showing the effects of too much screen viewing which, exercising his ghoulish sense of humour, he has called 'French Freyes.' Working in the tradition of the Blair Witch Project, the Docker has made good use of the shaking hand technique to which -- as a sufferer of delirium tremens -- he adds a unique and, at times, impossibly erratic authenticity. However, due to the intense horror element in this movie (it's a 28 minutes to download) we are unable to show it at the moment. As soon as his gruesome oeuvre is viewable, we'll let you know. |
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Or read these Page One articles in Plain Text: We've Arrived and Prove It we're Here Seattle's Battles -- Something in the Air 8.5 Million People Can't Be Wrong Outta Site |
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