WHAT'S ON THIS PAGE NAVIGATION BOX
DIARY: The Coffeehouse Creeper (My Cup Runneth Over; Creep Comes Sleeping; Four Words
& a Piece of Plastic; Children of a Lesser Guide; Too Much Monkey Business) | OLD NEWS: Journalists are People,
Too | ADS: La Canna; Dampkring | FEATURE: Let the Good Times Roll (Continued)
Go to Contents | Go To Next Page (Page 6)
Journalists
Are
People, Too
PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT
"If you can't remember who you are, you must be doing something right," somebody
says . And I slipped into a dream.
PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT
For the cannabis culture in the UK
this may yet be seen as the pivotal
MMMMMMMy Cup Runneth OverMhave happened fast -- too fast for
of lights (northern). Yes, the Cannabis Cup is here again. And this
year's Mardi Grass looks like being one of the most exciting ever. For
me, anyway. Despite my reputation as a compulsively obsessive
smoker (or, perhaps, because of it) I have been asked by a charitable
and kindly coffeeshop (God bless you, Sir) to assess some of the entries
in the grass section of the competition. I have the full testing kit ---
The year got off to a splendid start
when London Times writer, Mary
Ann Sieghart, told the full truth about
cannabis. In a down- to-earth article
headed 'Hard Laws Lead to Hard
Drugs', Ms Sieghart said that
all that sort of thing. But for all the high-tech stuff, it is at a more
basic level that the testing takes place. You look, you smell, you feel,
you smoke. Easy peasy. I can do that. I have all the equipment required
built-in. Then, everyone tells me, comes the hard part --- you have to
assess the high. But, honestly, it isn't that difficult. I always assess the
high I get when I smoke a new kind of grass. Not in quantitative terms
but in terms of quality. As a person who had been smoking for over 35
years, I think of myself as being a smoker who uses dope rather than is
used by it. I rarely smoke joints of just one kind of dope. My stash box
always contains at least three different grasses and, maybe, as many
kinds of hash and I vary what I smoke throughout the day according
to the kind of high I want. As well as the fairly inoffensive grass which
is my staple smoke, I have a good orange bud for the depth and
richness of the high and a first rate sativa for the creative, front-of-
house effect that I need when I am being, well, creative. I play these
off against a few daily hash joints --- a temple ball or charas joint is
great just before meditating, a maroc joint smoothes out kinks in the
creative process and a cheap but excellent border Afghani gives even
the most 'bopping' grass high a depth and stability that stops it flying
out of court. Getting blasted is all very well but it is not an end in
itself. Everyone who gets stoned does so because they enjoy the
Times writer, Mary Ann Sieghart
they will probably be too stoned to tell you. I believe that smoking
is about enhancing your life but for that to happen you need a life
to enhance. Smoking should, therefore, help you to do the things
you need to do rather than stop you doing them.
wrecker' but that its illegality does
lead to heroin use.
ForHanging her story on a state-
ment by Tory Leader, William Haig,
saying that he saw cannabis
'wrecking the lives' of many of his
contemporaries at Oxford, Ms
Sieghart said: 'It is the sort of
assertion that you tend to accept
unless you know otherwise.' And,
according to her own account, she
does know otherwise. At the same
university, in the same year and
studying the same subject as Mr
Haig, Mary Ann (bless her) makes
no bones about the truth. 'Most of
the people I knew at that time
smoked cannabis,' she says. 'None
of their lives has been wrecked by
the drug. Indeed, every single one
of those friends has since prosper-
ed.' After listing the accomplish-
ments of her friends, Ms Sieghart
goes on to say that about half of
them still smoke.
ForExploring the subject as every
cannabis smoker would wish, the
Times story highlighted the legal
disparity between cannabis and
alcohol, the nature of addictive
personalities and the social climate
in which users encounter less
harmless substances.
ForOn the question of whether 'soft
drugs lead to hard drugs', Ms
Sieghart said: 'At Oxford, there were
indeed other drugs around: speed,
LSD, magic mushrooms, cocaine
. . . .' She cannot, however, remem-
ber anyone having a serious
problem with them.
ForThe 'problems' started in the
third year. Until then drug-taking
had 'seemed a pretty harmless
occupation. It livened up people's
evenings and weekends, but did
not affect their work.' Then friends
started to use heroin.
ForLeaving her readers in no doubt
about her attitude towards smack,
Mary Ann says: 'Heroin is a really
dangerous drug . . . . that undoubt-
edly wrecks lives.'
ForShe concedes, however, that
apart from one death through
overdose, all those who used the
drug 'now lead perfectly successful
lives.'
ForIn the key paragraph of her
article, Ms Sieghart points at the
illegal status of cannabis as being
the culprit responsible for access to
heroin. 'The only reason why some
of my friends encountered it,' she
says, 'was because they had to go
to an underworld dealer to buy their
relatively harmless cannabis.
ForLaying the truth on the line, she
says: 'If anything acts as a gateway
to dangerous drugs, it is the illegal
status of pot.'
ForThis illegality creates a distorted
image of drug-takers for most
people because they encounter
only the casualties . . . those who
smoke cannabis in moderation and
lead unwrecked lives are reluctant
to advertise the fact because the
law has criminalised them.'
ForThe only negative note in her
otherwise flagrantly positive piece
comes at the end. In pointing out
that if Mr Hague had moved in
different circles at Oxford, he would
have found that pot smokers are'
just normal, respectable and well-
adjusted members of society, just
like him,' Ms Sieghart goes with the
assumption that smoking dope is
not respectable whereas being a
politician is. What can we say?
ForMary Ann Sieghart article does
not represent a new attitude in The
Times to decriminalisation. As long
ago as 1967 The Times defined its
position when it carried the famed
(and in many households, framed)
full page advertisement signed by
many leading intellectuals, artists
and freaks of the day demanding a
more reasonable attitude to
cannabis.
ForThe Times no longer stands
alone. These days all three of the
most influential daily newspapers
are in favour of decriminalisation in
some form.
ForTOP OF PAGE
PICTURE CAPTION: Any drug
that makes you so uninhibited
that you show your chest to the
docker when he is giving you
a flu jab clearly should be
banned
cannabis use and reduced sperm counts. As I have no other pets I
am particularly fond of my spermatozoa. I might not use them for
much but they are mine. I have few obsessions that are not combustible
but this was becoming ridiculous. I am, however, cured. Falling
asleep over my keyboard after a particularly hard day sitting
in coffeeshops I have a strange dream. In my dream I am trying to
refute the suggestion that smoking dope reduces your sperm count.
As I finish intricately counting each of my spermatozoa using a
pair of tweezers I declare that I can find no deficiency ("more than
enough to go round," is what I say). I notice that the spermatozoa
all look rather like Woody Allen. Spooky.
hip replacement', it says on the front page. It could, I think, almost be
my autobiography. Four words and a piece of plastic. It's depressing. I
mean: 'hippy'! It was not always thus. Long ago and far away when
'hip' meant something, I wanted it. You won't remember those days,
children. Soho nights and so-so days. Living in the shadow of our
shades drinking long-term cappuccino with Parker, Mingus and Monk
rootie tootin' and rinky dinkin' in the background . . . . Cellar jazz
clubs, perspiring. Shades and cool. Very cool. Beatniks (what they?)
donkey jacketed or PVCed, suitably sallow and slightly musky to
taste . . . . Then the rich, fruity, taste of Leb and we were in excess
heaven. It all felt so good, to be there on the very edge of moral
decline. Innocent days and decadent nights. But Soho nights are
rarely followed by Ho-Ho days.
NOTHING SUCCEEDS like excess. Oscar Wilde said something like
that but I did it. It was so very easy to just slip over the edge and into
the abyss. Soon you find yourself trading in your CND badge for a
bell, a string of beads, a clump of joss sticks and a rather interesting
slightly used looking sugar cube. And when the spaceship landed, we
were in Kathmandu. Or was it Golden Gate Park? Or the Ally
Pally? Or drowning in the rumpled sheets of tiny Tina's giant bed?
You close your eyes as a callow youth and wake up in another
age, middle age.
AT THAT stage one starts to worry not about being hip but having
hips at all. It is time to retire to Heaven. As I arrive at Katsu and am
enveloped by the warm familiar air, I remember, gratefully, that I
am in Heaven and that Heaven is in Amsterdam.
GTOP OF PAGEput on the web by cannabis-cafe, de Kuil. Its realism lies in the fact
that it is totally without value as a guide to the city but gives you
something short to read when you're stoned and having attention span
problems. Containing such helpful hints as: 'The telephone booths
with the red lighting and the discreet drapes do not contain working
telephones' and 'Please ask for credit as refusal often offends (and
the Dutch like that)', the guide is the brainchild of de Kuil's owner,
Michael Veling. "The Cup,"' says, Mr Veling, "is about fun and so
is our guide. But," he continues with a sinister grin, "like many
coffeeshops we like to be seen to provide a public service which is, of
course, the only reason we are in business." The new-on-the-web site
that features the cheeky survival guide is clearly there just for
laughs. Dedicated 'to overindulgence, decadence and self-abuse', the
site's home page bears the motto: 'Nothing exceeds like excess and the
claim: 'As seen by Bill Clinton -- he logged-on but didn't look.' The
guide itself has sections covering the city itself ('Visit the Van Gogh
Museum and marvel at the paintings he did with only one ear.
Think what he could have done with brushes'), on dealing with the
Dutch, on coffeeshop etiquette ('Steal a lighter') and on
driving in Amsterdam ('It is a sign of high intelligence to take your
Mercedes or BMW into the Red Light district on a Thursday, Friday or
Saturday night'). Specially prepared for the Cannabis Cup, the guide
"will be revised and expanded after the cup to provide web surfers with
a fun site that isn't masquerading as something else and isn't trying to
sell something to them," says Mr Veling. The site was produced for de
Kuil by the Coffeehouse Culture production team (sorry about this
'plug' but the editor insisted) and features the Coffeehouse Culture Seal
of Approval, a metallic stamp featuring a picture of a cuddly baby seal.
Too Much Monkey Businesssinvolvement in the Cannabis Cup vote rigging scam would be a lie.
We have had personal experience of Arjan Roskam's lack of business
ethics. In a city and a culture where honesty runs at a high level,
Greenhouse proved to be a glaring exception when it came to
paying for their half page ad in this publication. They still owe us
over fl. 2000.
Continued from previous page
READ THIS STORY IN
PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT
Dusty copies of Rosenthal and Franks were dug out from the backs of book
shelves. Lofts, attics, basements, cellars, spare rooms and cupboards were
converted into growing areas. Aeroplane tickets were purchased and hotels
booked. Looking for inspiration, up to date information and seeds, the soon-
to-be-growers headed east.
ALOne of the most crucial factors in this singular piece of initiative was
Somehow or other it
made a hell of a
difference know-
ing that the seedsone bought were virt-
ually guaranteed to
produce grass 'as
smoked in Amster-
dam.' By the time
they made the trip,
many of those
fledgling growers had
already discovered
that seeds were
available in their
homeland. They had
probably tussled with
the problem of how
they might bring back
lights without attract-
ing interest and come
to the conclusion that
it was difficult verging
on impossible. Dom-
estic sources of
supply were necess-
ary and not too hard to
find. Getting the seeds
from Amsterdam, however, was both a pleasure and an inspiration.
ALAlthough it was only a few years ago, grow shops in the UK were a rarity.
But there must have been some people producing grass in the Amsterdam
style because there were one or two and the best known and oldest
established made enough money to advertise their products. If you knew
where to look, the ads were explicit enough (although they have since be-
come much more explicit). There could be little doubt about who the
growshops served and their customers were certainly not lettuce growers.
Indeed, Sunlight Systems, one of the longest established, produced and still
ALEventually the bio growers made
it and today are producing grass of
a standard that approaches Amst-
erdam quality.
ALThings, of course, have eased
up slightly over the last year or two.
The grass growing market has
become one of the UK's most
remarkable but -- funny that --
unremarked growth industries.
Grow shops have proliferated. And
slowly but surely specialised grass
fertilisers have made their way into
the UK.
ALThe effects of the creation of a
UK domestic growing industry,
under the misdirected auspices of
the Customs & Excise, have been
and will continue to be profound. In
removing the emphasis of canna-
bis control away from national entry
points into the community, the
Police Force have been dumped
with another fine mess. As we all
know, cannabis is a hideous social
evil that corrupts and destroys the
youth of the world. But put it
alongside rape, mugging, child
molestation and all the other evils
in society and it seems somewhat
less of a priority.
ALMeanwhile the growers become
more skilful and the shops become
more confident. And the grass
becomes more plentiful. Roll
Britannia, we say, and continue to
roll until you are the waves.
ALTOP OF PAGE
fishbait which is the only use for which hemp seeds are legal in the UK. In
recent catalogues, however, such empty subterfuge has been dropped in
favour of a screaming reminder that the seeds in the catalogue are 'For legal
purposes only and must not be grown.' The information about each seed
type (such as its flowering period) is there, we are told: 'For those interested
in how the seeds were produced.' And the colour photographs of the bloat-
ed, dripping sinsemilla buds are merely to show what happens if you don't
have that crucial male plant in your fishbait crop?
ALIt all seemed so outrageously blatant. But a legal loophole is a legal
loophole and the best thing to be done with it is to try to jump through it. Now
it is even more blatant. A recent Sunlight Systems ad in Viz magazine made
no bones about it. 'Grow Your Own Pot,' it said.
ALCompared with the sophistication of the highly specialised products sold
by the Amsterdam grow shops, those in England left much to be desired.
While they could come up with everything for the hydroponics grower, the bio
grower was pretty much on his own. Certainly so far as fertilisers were
concerned. For those growers concerned about quality as well as quantity,
there was a year of experimentation before many of them got their crops
right But the gap was filled by more than adequate hypdroponic grass.
ALL WILL BE REVEALED
In the next thrilling instalment
we look in depth at what's been
did and what's been hid.
In conversation with growers
who were among the first wave
to bring Amsterdam grass to
the UK, we will experience
the trials and tribulations
of their early experiments
and enjoy the triumphs
of their hard-earned successes.
Yes, folks, all human life is
there. Don't miss it.
InIn the final instalment, we will
be looking at the law and those
who enforce it and giving
them the fullest credit for
everything they have done for
UK dope smokers.
TOP OF PAGE
ON TO PAGE SIX | PREVIOUS PAGE | CONTENTS | MAIN HOME PAGE
GO TO PAGE: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21
Questions, comments or criticisms to: Webmaster@coffeehouseculture.com
The Coffeehouse Culture Site is produced by
Cheapo Cheapo Productions on behalf of
The Enlightenment Company
Design: It Is But a Dream (Digital) Enterprises; Words: The Maya (Entertain You) Company
Copyright © 1999/2000 The Enlightenment Company
THE ENLIGHTENMENT COMPANY IS A NON-PROFIT MAKING EDUCATIONAL TRUST
DEVOTED TO PROMOTING INCREASED CONSCIOUSNESS