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OLD NEWS: No Speaka Da Lingo | OLD NEWS: Naive Idealism in a Dark and Desperate Age
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If you are dutch please read this

NO
SPEAKA
DA
LINGO
READ THIS STORY IN
PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT

In the great tradition of Citizen Kane as the first issue was
about to go to press we scrapped most of the front page. Instead
of the intended second lead story on page one we ran a story
about a news grabbing scandal involving a painting by Dutch
artist, Piet Mondriaan, and a very large sum of money. But for
Piet's sake, what could we do? The original front page story,
another piece of onanistic self-promotion explaining exactly
why Coffeehouse Culture had come into being, got relegated to
the inside back page. The fact that our misguided foray into
cultural confrontation knocked this story off the front page
was of something of a shame because the piece was a crucial
part of the Coffeehouse Culture 'create your own myth' package.
READ THIS STORY IN
PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT

As we had no desire to be seen to
be patronising the Dutch in
anyway, we felt it incumbent upon
us to address them directly to give
our reasons for producing Coffee-
house Culture. This article was
supposed to do just that. However,
on very little real evidence we had
made one small assumption that
rendered this article redundant
from the start. It is, indeed, true
NAIVE IDEALISM
IN A DARK &
DESPERATE AGE

that almost everyone in Amster-
dam speaks some English and
many speak it perfectly. English as
a second language is, however,
very different to English as a
mother-tongue. And speaking
English is different to reading
English.
he appearance of the first issue of Coffeehouse Culture on the streets
of Amsterdam marks the start of a new era in publishing. Although
Coffeehouse Culture extends a respected ‘60s tradition of alternative
journals, it is a groundbreaking venture that aims to take publishing into
new dimensions. Based on an original, visionary and innovative concept, not
only will Coffeehouse Culture serve a large readership long neglected by
existing publications but it will fulfil a function that goes way beyond

conventional publishing.
XX XX
It surely is crazy publishing an
English-language newspaper in a
country where English is the second
DeDevoted to a concept and an
ideal that has wide-ranging social
implications, Coffeehouse Culture
XX

confident,” he said: “The nature
of Coffeehouse Culture’s subject
matter will ensure that its
language. But there is a very good
reason. Although we cringe with
embarrassment in owning up,
Coffeehouse Culture is not really
meant for the Dutch.
To be honest -- and, apart from
when we are lying, we are always
honest -- when we came to
Amsterdam we had not realised just
how highly developed the
coffeehouse society was. It was a
revelation for us to speak to Dutch
people for whom this highly elevated
culture was a fully integrated part of
their lives.
Having been here for six months, we
now know that there is very little that
we can tell the Dutch about this
experience or its implications. We
had always intended Coffeehouse
Culture to be primarily for English
tourists but to make sure everybody
understood it was for anyone who
spoke English, we came up with the
slogan: ‘Capturing the spirit of
Amsterdam for English readers
everywhere.’
And, as we know that
Amsterdammers speak such
incredible English, we hoped that
they would feel included in that
slogan.
And that is really the challenge for
us -- coming up with stuff that will
be interesting enough to captivate
the Dutch. We are hopeful that we
can; we are, after all, Space Cadets,
1st Class. We have spent a lot of
time (over 30 years, in fact) studying
consciousness in every way. This
has given us immense knowledge
and a chesty cough. But, by God,
we had a good time doing it.
In absentia, far from this haven of
consciousness, in our hearts and in
our heads (but more in our hearts in
recent times) we have been
members of this society. Now, we
hope, we will be able to
demonstrate it.
TOP OF PAGE
will be the first publication
dealing with the subject of
increased consciousness and the
culture that surrounds and
underwrites it. In exploring its
subject it will be reflecting the
attitudes and interests of those
who are into the experience of
increased consciousness. Its
identification of Amsterdam as a
city that contains a clearly
defined and well-established
society based on increased
consciousness, will provide a
foundation for its editorial and an
inspirational focus (if it is not
already one) for readers who live
elsewhere.
DeAs well as the first publication
devoted to increased conscious-
ness, Coffeehouse Culture makes
claim to a number of other ‘firsts.’
It is, it says, the first publication
to place cannabis use into a
broader and more realistic
context; the first New Age
publication; the first publication
devoted to evolution, the first
truly European publication and
the first high-circulation
publication to be produced in a
language different from that of
the country from which it is
published.
DeClaiming that it ‘will reach the
parts other publications don’t
even know exist,’ Coffeehouse
Culture believes that its content
can overcome any Dutch or
European resistance to an English
language publication.
Speaking at the launch of
Coffeehouse Culture in early
October, the publisher and editor
acknowledged that “going out to
readers in a language other than
their mother-tongue is inevitably
risky.”
DeDescribing the Coffeehouse
Culture team as “foolishly
XX
editorial content will always be
exciting and relevant to anyone
who is into increased
consciousness. What is more,
Coffeehouse Culture will offer a
bill of fare that is totally different
from any other publication
currently around. Nowhere else
will readers be able to get the mix
of unusual subjects and the
unique perspectives that
Coffeehouse Culture can give
them. We are intending to make
Coffeehouse Culture so enticing
that everyone who believes in the
things Amsterdam is all about
will want to read it.”
DeWith Amsterdam as its
inspiration and model,
Coffeehouse Culture will set about
promoting all aspects of the
culture around which it is based.
“Coffeehouse Culture believes that
Amsterdam is a special place in
which something very important
is happening. We would like to see
the wonderful things that are to
be found in Amsterdam more
broadly available. Amsterdam
culture, we believe, is showing
the world how to make life better
and we can really get behind
that. We believe in freedom — the
freedom to expand your own
consciousness, to live, grow and
enjoy. And those are all things
that Amsterdam is famous for.”
DeProfessing to be “one of the last
surviving members of the lost
race of hippies,” Coffeehouse
Culture’s editor said: “We suffer
from an illness. It is called ‘naive
idealism.’ We believe that the
New Age is starting to dawn in
Amsterdam. And in this dark and
desperate age you have got to be
ill or something to believe things
may get better.”
TOP OF PAGE

Our meagre assault on the image of dope smokers as they are seen by the
gengeneral public. And sometimes by themselves. It is a sad reflection on
genelsomething when members of a culture have to be told that they are
gelmember s and what that means. Once again we find ourselves pointing
generageneragenera lto the contradictions.
ge neraBRAIN CELLICIDE OR WHAT?
ge neraREAD THIS STORY IN PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT

AS we all know (and, if we don’t, we should), increased consciousness
means increased thinking power. So what is all this about smoking dope
killing your brain or something?
WE don’t know about you, but we have had some of our most intellectually
stimulating
moments around coffeeshop tables deep in the fug of
professional brain cellicide. Indeed, we think that dope smokers are by far
the most interested and interesting conversationalists around. It must be
because being unable to move from their chairs due to extreme
stonedness, they have lots of time to read, watch TV and reflect on life.
Whatever . . . . One thing is for sure, introduce a dope smoker into an
assemblage of freethinking small-talkers and the conversation is sure
to take off into new and unusual realms. Or die completely.
Dope smokers are people with lively and interested minds who enjoy
knowledge -- in its broadest sense -- and all its fruits.
WHAT is amazing is that there is no publication for these mentally alive,
intellectual voyagers.
BUT stop, hold hard, avaunt and stop again. Now there is and you’re read-
ing it.
MORE than a dope publication, Coffeehouse Culture defines and reflects
the culture from which it springs. Hey, who said that just because we
smoke dope we only have to have publications that are about dope?
Aren’t our interests broader, more expansive than that?
OURS is a culture like any other -- except we have more fun. And this
publication will reflect that culture as straight newspapers (and don’t you
find them irrelevant to our interests) reflect straight society. But this ain’t
straight society and Coffeehouse Culture ain’t The Times. As we said, this
is a culture that has more fun. And we have got to reflect THAT!

W TOP OF PAGE

• UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE •

READ THIS STORY IN PRINTABLE PLAIN TEXT
BUT REALLY, OLD BOY, WHAT DID HAPPEN?
WWe, therefore, sought some

Misjudgement. Plain, simple,
misjudgement. No excuse but
certainly a reason. To tell you
the truth it was all too big for
us. Putting together a 32 page
newspaper is a big job. But so
is selling the advertising and
setting up distribution. We had
the newspaper and the advert-
ising support but distribution
was a logistical problem we
simply couldn't solve. The
fanciful idea that the cover
price would be divided
between distributor, delivery
people and ourselves was just
that. We had anticipated that
the majority of our domestic
sales would be through the
coffeeshops. What we hadn't
expected was the extraord-
inary level of resistance we
would meet. Or the fact that
no one was actually prepared
to come up with any money
for the copies they sold. By
the time we realised that it
would take us years to set up
any kind of coffeeshop dist-
ribution system and forever to
set up one that produced any
income, it was too late to go
for professional distribution.


And when we tried to get some
kind of distribution in the UK
and the States (pathetic
optimists that we are), we got
turned down fairly flat. It did not
matter that what we were
saying was about creating a
better individual and collective

reality, about making the world
a better place, about evolution.
All that mattered to the
distribution companies was
that we talked positively about
smoking dope. We should
have known better. Indeed, we
did know better. But our
realism had been eaten alive
by an excess of positivity.
WWith the first issue 'out' and
issue two tapping us on the
shoulder (later it got to slap us
around the face), we had to
consider our options. Funding
a paper publication is an
expensive operation that is not
viable unless all the parts of
the equation are in place. And
our equation was missing a
number of crucial factors.
However, Coffeehouse Culture
had never been a commercial
venture; its commerciality was
merely a way to get it out.
way to get Coffeehouse
Culture into the public domain
that didn't cost a fortune. In a
less high tech age than this
we would have been travelling
around the country in a wagon
with a soapbox pulpit (and for
our troubles we would
probably have been burnt).
This, however, thankfully, is
the high tech age and that
saved us. Unhitch the horses,
Mary, we are staying home.
W And here we are. On the
web. The Coffeehouse Culture
web site is a low-cost
publishing option. And, who
knows, maybe we will get
some of our money back
.
W But that is not all. For our
involvement with the world
wide web has given us the
opportunity to become a part
of what is clearly going be the
world's next big evolutionary
leap. Joining hands is one
thing but joining minds .... that
is big. In the late sixties/early
seventies there was much talk
about the 'Global Village'. Like
most people we didn't really
understand. But now we do.
W TOP OF PAGE

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