Go’ mornin’, art'a'noon or ev’nin’, Cyber Growcubs. It’s Fester Greenfinger here with some new medication and a few tips for all you naughty growers out there. Before we start getting our fingers dirty, maybe I should tell you what this column is about. I wouldn’t want any of you to get hold of the wrong end of the dibbing stick. What I want you to know is what this column will not be. The one thing it will not be is a crash course in growing. There are plenty of good books out there for those of you who are new to the field, as it were. No, I am expecting that most of the people who read this column will have some experience of growing. If you haven’t, I would suggest that you go away and read a few books, grow a few plants and then come back. See you in two years.
...So that’s got rid of all the amateurs. Now, we seasoned old sons of the sod (or is it sods of the son?) can get down to talking business.
...What I figure is this. Here I am in Amsterdam, home of the great-est grass in the world, and there you are somewhere else. I am surrounded by growshops, coffeeshops, expert growers and cannabis biogeneticists and you are more than likely surrounded by policemen. What can I give you (apart from a bail bond) that you would not have access to elsewhere? Well, of course, it has to be Amsterdam expertise. Only in Amsterdam have people had the opportunity to really experiment and develop the techniques of growing great grass. Isn’t that why Amsterdam grass is so renowned?
...When it comes to growing grass Amsterdam is the fount of all knowledge. Evidence of it is everywhere -- the coffeeshops have the end product and the growshops have examples of the plants in all stages of maturity. The Netherlands is a country with a strong horticultural tradition. Flowers and plants for garden centres, supermarkets and corner shops are among the country’s largest exports. The Dutch understand plants and have a passion and a special skill when it comes to growing them. The tulip fields of Holland are not a myth. For about six weeks in the late spring, as you fly into Schipol airport, the fields below are like a box of watercolour blocks. It is not so much beautiful as impressive.
...Extend this tradition and the passion that fires it to a plant that is worth getting passionate about -- grass -- and sparks are almost certain to fly.
...Although the expertise is clearly there, it is like the rumble of an underground stream in a rocky and waterless terrain. You know it is there but getting to it is not easy. If you want to find out about grass, the place to start is the growshops. But, like getting water out of a stone, extracting the right information from the guys in the growshops is some-thing of an art. If you ask the right questions, you’ll get the right answers. But if you don’t ask you will probably get the ‘tourists’ guide to growing,’ a collection of bland and non-specific grow tips that can be useful but are more designed to suggest how easy it is than the realities.
...So what are the realities? Despite the fact that the cannabis plant is the most prolific and environmentally adaptable weed on this planet, it is no breeze to grow it. Sure one can stick a few seeds in a pot and see what happens. A plant will almost certainly grow and produce smokable grass. And, in the right climate, with plenty of sunshine, you’ll get grass that is much more than smokable.
...What you end up with, of course, depends on what you started with. Different seed strains develop in different ways. And only a few strains naturally develop the large, dense and sticky buds that are characteristic of sensimilla skunk. And then only under the right conditions. Grass is a sunshine greedy botanical glutton, certainly if it is going to be for smoking, and climate plays a major part in its natural, outdoor growth.
...Holland, of course, does not have an outdoor climate that is suited to producing sensimilla plants (or anything more adventurous than mildew) without greenhouse protection. Depending on the plant genus and type of seed, sensimilla buds need a short but warm and sunny daylight period and a well-above freezing 12 hour period of darkness. In northern climes, by the time the seasons have done their thing, the days are grey and dim and the nights are very cold to freezing. Not what grass plants need at all.
...Knowing that the production of high quality smoking grass depended on two main factors -- the seed and the environment -- gave Dutch growers a clear focus. Some of them became the breeders who established the first seed banks. To them fell the lot of developing the right seed stock for growth in Holland. A highly skilled and time consum-ing job of selecting plants within which desirable characteristics are strongly represented and cross breeding them with plants that possess other desirable qualities, this is the basis of bio-genetics. The hybrid seeds that were produced were a quantum leap ahead of the traditional genus. They produced the buds for which Amsterdam has become so renowned -- the long, fat, sticky, dense, potent and very smelly heavily budded skunks that have become the industry standard in high quality world-wide grass growing.
...Having the seed was only half of the basic equation, however. To get the seeds to perform to type, it was necessary for them to grow in the right conditions. With a climate like Holland’s, there was little alternative but to concentrate on indoor growing. With a horticultural industry that had already invested heavily in the development of indoor grow systems, the knowledgebase was already in place. And, as the earliest marijuana grow-books had shown, indoor environments could produce grass of the very highest quality. Even in the sub-arctic temperatures of Alaska, grass could be grown that resembled the best that Afghanistan or Mexico could produce. Or could have produced if they had only had the expertise, taken the care and had worked at it hard enough.
...If many growers could not stick their seeds in mother earth and let them grow to rich and glori-ous floration as God intended, they could create their own gardens of Eden. Indoors. In such a garden, where every aspect of the environment is controlled, it was possible to create the ideal conditions for the growth of supremo quality grass.
...But -- and here comes reality -- it is simply not that easy. To produce the highest quality grass every environmental factor has to be carefully set up, tweaked, monitored and maintained. We think about the conditions for growing things as being fairly simple -- a little soil, a little water, sunshine and moderate temperatures. Simple. Easy peasy. But is not quite that simple. Outside not only are these factors extrem-ely variable but there are other less obvious but equally im- portant ones to contend with. The most significant of these is air quality. In an outside envir-onment, plants are constantly supplied with the fresh air they require for photosynthesis. But that is not all. There are the climatic factors -- wind, rain and seasonal temperature variation -- that also have a significant impact.
...Whilst all the factors that contribute to the ideal grass grow-ing environment are perfectly controllable, there are a lot of them
...The first requirement of any growroom is space. Plants need space. Whether they are grown as low level single bud shelf plants or a singly-potted fully developed Mothers, they still need space. Although the tightly packed shelved systems need a lot less space, they still need more than one would expect. But, whilst the crop they produce is far less variable in bud size than larger plants, the yield per metre is also considerably less. So the first rule of growing is: Give your plants enough room.
...The most obvious and easy factor to accommodate appears to be soil. But, even here, the path is fraught with hidden pitfalls. It is a well known part of the grass ethos that the plants grow anywhere. In sandy, dry, arid, rocky, deso-late conditions, you will find grass growing if not flourishing. Under these conditions, however, starved of the vital nutrients they need to thrive, the plants will not produce large buds. Such plants will be stunted and sparsely leaved. And, for a plant to support large buds, it needs to be sturdy and have the strong densely-leaved limbs that come with good nutrition, the right amount of water and the right drainage. There are, for growers of grass in Holland, a wide range of specialist soils and other growing mediums in the shops. You pays your money and you takes your choice. For those less fortunate, it is best to go for a simple mix of not too rich potting compost and a drainage agent like perlite or sand. Although some opt for enriched soils, such growing mediums can be too rich or acidic for the delicate fibrous root mass of hemp plants. And it is easier to work out and start a nutrient regimen if the nutrients are going into a growing medium that has a low natural nutrient content.
...When it comes to feeding their plants, most growers fertilise throughout the whole growth and flowering cycle. Only for the last week or so will the plants get the clear water that washes out any stale chemicals in the growing medium and cleans up the taste of the grass. Once again, Amsterdam growers have the best of all possible world. Right there on the shelves of every grow shop are a range of fertilisers to suit every taste. (Dr D’Ath comments: ‘Drinking fertilisers can be very nutritious. However, the absence of roughage makes for some significant digestive problems. Not to mention the brown pee. Don’t do it. That’s my advice.’) It doesn’t matter whether you go for chemicals or biological fertilisers, powders or solutions, you can be assured that every bottle and packet on the shelf has been developed specifically for growing grass.
...Although there are many preparations for use during the vegetative cycle, most growers here go for Fishmix. Rich in easily assimilated nitrogen and many of the trace elements necessary for good leaf development, in Fishmix the concentration of nitrogen is low enough that it is virtually impossible to over fertilise the plants.
...The most crucial thing in this equation and, perhaps, the one thing that could be called an Amsterdam secret is the emphasis growers here place on pH. Everyone knows that pH is a measure of acidity. Everything has a pH value, your skin, soil, water, everything. A neutral pH means that the acid and alkaline elements are in balance. A plus value indicates a higher acid content and a minus value more alkaline. Although pH has wide ranging effects in different situations (if your skin pH is too low, for example, soap will not produce a lather,) in a growing environment it is an extremely potent influence. In order for grass plants to take up nutrients efficiently (and if you want the largest plants they need to be well fed,) they require a pH reading of between 5.5 and 6.5. Above or below that narrow range and the plants do not take up the nutrients provided in the water. Indeed, too high a pH and the plants will not even assimilate the minerals in clean water.
...It is hardly surprising that Amsterdam growers are obsessed by pH. The usual pH value of tap water here is in the 8 to 9 range, which is way out of whack for grass plants. Every Amsterdam grower owns a pH meter and solutions to move the pH values up and down and every bucket of water is tested.
...Nutrients are always added to the water before testing as they can have an effect on the pH. With the pH value in the correct range, the plants are capable of taking up almost all of the vital nutrients in the solution. It is, therefore, important to give them the maximum they can handle but no more. To ensure that the right concentration of nutrient is added to the water, growers use an EC meter. This measures the electrical conductivity of the water, which is effected by the electro-chemical reactions of the various compounds used as fertilisers. No grower in the Netherlands would be without these two vital tools.
...The most costly part of any growroom is usually the air control system. In addition to a substantial system to vent hot and stale air from the growing chamber, an input fan is necessary to bring in fresh air and one or more circulation fans will be required to stop the humidity rising too high.
...Temperature is a perennial problem for growers. In the summer growrooms get far too hot and in the winter, if you are in Holland, they are far too cold. Although the largest extractor fans will deal with light-generated heat, when the weather is hot, the air coming into the chamber is often warmer than that going out. Under those circumstances, many growers find it worthwhile to invest in a portable air conditioning unit. For heating that chilly growroom there is nothing better than a simple paraffin heater. Although they have to be checked and maintained on a regular basis, they have the added bonus of discharging a high level of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere which is very beneficial to the plants.
...With so many factors playing a part in the grass equation, it is hardly surprising that growshop advice tends towards the bland. Everyone of the problems a grower might encounter in creating and maintaining his growing environment has at least a few solutions. Being a grass grower is not just a matter of putting a seed into soil and nurturing it. The Amsterdam grass grower is a combination of botanical technologist, electrical engineer and horticulturist.
So asking the right question will usually get you the right answer. But it will be the long answer and how right it is may well depend on how much it all costs.
...In the final analysis, the growing of great grass requires a high level of dedication, a lot of knowledge, an eye for detail, a lot of energy and a billfold to fund the whole thing. Take care of all the details and you will grow grass that is among the best there is. It is all in the details. All of them.
...So, that’s Fester Greenfinger’s advice for this issue -- take care of ALL the details. If you do that Cyber Growcubs, I can assure you that you will be pleased and proud to pass out in front of your friends. Just one thing, on your way down mention that your grass came to the world with the help of Fester Greenfinger. If enough of you say it, maybe I will get invited back on to Gardeners’ Question Time. And now, g’arnnn wi’ ya. ‘Cause I got some pottin’ to do.