Welcome to the Other Side of Life. The ‘flip’ side, as we call it. That is ‘flip’ as in facetious and superficial. Some, however, would say that this is the real world. This is reality as we know it; not the airy fairy inner-spirit stuff you hear these demented hippies talking about. Life is a used condom, a pool of vomit, a greasy burger wrapper and a mayonnaise slick along which we slide towards . . . ? Fulfilment or degradation, decadence and a good night out?
..It is fine to describe reality as a bright and glowing experience but we know that real reality -- hardcore reality -- is not like that. The reality that surrounds us is far from bright and glowing. It is a smutty, grubby, tacky, sleazy and gross experience. But don’t we all love it?
...So it is time for us to get real. Shrugging off the monk’s habit (well, it is better than biting your nails and you do get to meet such a nice class of nun,) emerging from behind the slightly soiled facade of an out-of-control multiple personality syndrome, tearing off the mask of responsibility and flipping open the raincoat of respectability -- we reveal ourselves for what we really are. Raddled, warty, wrinkled and wicked, bent, twisted and pushed out of shape by life's experiences, calloused and blistered by unfulfilled strivings for superficial satisfaction, eaten away by acid tongues and infinite rejections. Alienated and alone, we are the pictures in Dorian Grey’s attic. We are the My Hyde of Coffeehouse Culture, the Lurker at the Gates of Doom, the Great Shadow that covers the land.
...Gone are the positive attitudes, the higher vision, the intellectual substance. The quiet and gentle tone is replaced by a sharper, more abrasive one. The words, too, are different. Born in inferiority, nurtured in failure and aged in the bitter acid of experience, they are of the real world. Sarcasm, cynicism and spite. These three ‘s’ words, as George Dubya Bush might say, are the words that describe the world that is our common (and we mean common) experience.
...But, hey, what about some of the other aspects of this wonderful world. What happened to drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll? What about the vulgarity, the put-downs, the sick jokes and the bad taste? Although -- of course -- we found them hideous, abhorrent and unacceptable, they did make life a colourful experience. They gave it a texture (not unlike a Jackson Pollack painting in yellow ochre with red and orange highlights,) a spicy piquancy that burned the mouth, destroyed the palate, produced a lot of wind, gave one diarrhoea that came out like a blowtorch but was irresistible anyway. Where have all those fine things gone?
...Eaten alive by political correctness, is the answer. And, okay, it is nice to be nice to the disadvantaged. It is never to one's credit (although it is great fun) to draw attention to the deficiencies of others. Political correctness removes the divisions from society and makes us all the same -- bland, uninteresting, nice but boring. So what’s wrong with getting vicarious satisfaction from the very things that make one feel superior? Who says it is selfish and insensitive to score points off other people’s deficiencies? What is the point of being one of the ‘haves’ if you cannot put-down the ‘have-nots?’ Life is a hierarchical experience, and it is incumbent on those at the top to make the most of their elevated position by making those below them feel as small as possible. Thus it has always been and thus it should stay.
...It is, after all, only honest. And honesty is something we can get behind without the complication of conflict or complaint. Political correctness, of course, is not honest. It makes no secret of its dishonesty, however. All is revealed in that killer word political.’ When was the last time you encountered the words ‘honesty’ and political’ in even the same hemisphere?
...So this is where we get honest. And as the title suggests, no one is spared. If you are a member of any minority group; indeed, if you are a member of the human race, there is something here to offend you. But if you have half a brain and all your bits, this is going to make you feel really good. And, if you don’t. Well, better luck next time.
...If you have been impressed by the mild mannered, restrained and tasteful tone of the previous pages of this publication, you are going to be appalled by the ill mannered, intemperate and disgustingly bad taste that is exercised with such abandon on these few pages. But at least you are going to think we are humans beings.